On Halloween of 1995, Flaming Lips + Special Guests did a show in Detroit. I don’t know if it was last minute or me getting listed was last minute. I seem to think my friend Joe got me in and said I had to be there at doors open to make it work. Usually that’s enough to make me not go at all – I hadn’t seen a “special guest” in years that was worth showing up early for. I had a huge crush on Joe, though, and maybe thought him wanting me there was a sign or something. Of course, Joe was just being a nice guy and spent the night running around with the band so I was left on the floor to suffer through a “special guest” alone, I guess since I can’t recall is if I had my friend, Jess, in tow or not. Anyways, The Apples in Stereo took to the stage and I started looking for ANYONE to talk to. They opened with “Tidal Wave” and the infectious power pop didn’t stop for a full 45mins and I found myself hopping up and down with glee for the duration. Man, I thought all pop hope had been lost. Creation wasn’t finding anyone to regurgitate Big Star any longer. My Bloody Valentine had disappeared. All the best Scottish bands had pretty much disbanded and well gone was the Manchester thing and was 4AD putting out by then? Teenage Fanclub weren't really knocking it out of the park with “13” and beyond. When my favorite indiepop kid, Aaron, came in my store telling me he was now into “Noise” (he went on play in Wolf Eyes) I was sure Earth was in retrograde and things were about to start moving backwards. I felt totally adrift on my quest for new pop sounds and then here it was in the form of a “special guest” for the Flaming Lips. Who’d a thunk it!
With a totally new bounce in my step, I dropped by Schoolkids Annex (the indie only part of the record store I worked at) to pick the brain of Tim, resident indiepop know-it-all. When I asked him “What do you know about the Apples in Stereo” he went from pout to more pouty saying he heard a rumor they’d be the special guest but didn’t believe it. He walked around the store pulling out cds and 7”s explaining to me about the Elephant Six Collective recording out of Denver. He said the true stars were Neutral Milk Hotel who’d be putting out an album later in the year, as it was the store was out of the few singles NMH had released. I bought what we had and started imagining life in this and with this Collective.
I was 22, living at home again, not in school, no plans to go back to school when in February, I decide to fly to Colorado to visit my oldest friend, Dan, and catch Pavement shows #9 & #10. On the eve of that adventure, my mom tries to unsuccessfully bend me to her will for the umpteenth time and says if I have monies to follow pavement then I have monies to live on my own so if I wanted to continue living at home, I’d have to make a plan to go back to school. Uh, what 22 year old WANTS to be living at home? I got on that plane to Colorado with a heavy heart. But then I had the Apples with me and remembered Dan telling me how he had to rent out bedrooms in his house since all his roomies were going to Oregon to host a snowboard/skateboard camp. Rent was cheap, I concluded a summer in the place putting forth the BEST indipop wouldn’t be the worst fate. By the time I landed I had a plan. I was moving to Boulder, Colorado and the rest would follow.
That March, “On Avery Island” is released. Tim was so right. THIS was the real deal. “Naomi” gave me goose bumps. I while I had dreamt boys could be so in love with a girl they could see beauty in everything and Jeff proves such a boy exists when he softly says “Your prettiness is seeping through out from the dress I took from youuuuuuuu.” In Gardenhead, is it Naomi who’s so thoroughly done him wrong such that he does not “wish to taste of your insides or to call out your name through my phone”. I played NMH for everyone I knew. Even the noise kids could appreciate perfection that was "On Avery Island.".
I landed in Boulder in June of 1996. Turns out Boulder isn’t Denver and Colorado is tough without a car. After two years having to bribe people to take me to “the city” to see shows and it was seldom I was successful at such bribery, NMH releases “Aeroplane Over the Sea”. I bought it at Waxtrax on 13th street, Denver. The kid behind the counter asked if I had heard it yet. I hadn’t. He said Jeff had gone all religious and shit and well, that kid wasn’t sure what he thought. I took it home and sure enough the second track begins with waling “I love you Jesus Christ”. In an interview in Puncture , Jeff would tell the world many of the songs are about Anne Frank and some are just about church camps in backwoods Louisiana . I will say the GOD theme through the album was a little tough for me at first. In early March 1998 I see in the Westward that NMH will be playing at the 15th St. Tavern. I couldn’t leave to chance that I could convince someone to drive me so I did the only sensible thing: moved. Yep, with about a month’s notice to my roomie, I moved to the Cheesman Arms on 13th and Pearl Street in Denver, CO . Conveniently located on Capitol Hill. 1 block to Waxtrax, 4 blocks to the Ogden Theater and about 6 blocks to the 15th Street Tavern. I moved in April 15th, 1 week before the show.
Now, I have no idea what Capitol Hill Denver is like today. It was no great shakes back then. I mean, in my lobby, there was a flier for a man seen in our building wanted for committing sodomy on his nephew. Yes, THAT kind of neighborhood. So I didn’t venture out much after dark. I’m a worrier by nature but it seemed like luck wasn’t on my side back then. I had one bike stolen already and got it replaced with the coolest bike ever since I was then working at Schwinn. It was actually TOO pretty
(full disclosure, that is black beauty II, Black Beauty I was stolen from the Ridgeland EL stop in Oak Park, IL in 2000)
And consider that I was roof-ied in Detroit in 1995 (that story will be in my memoirs titled “OH! That’s why don’t leave your pop unattended amidst chickenhawks”) So there was a lot of mental self talk going on in my head as I left for the show all by myself on April 21st 1998. First, I left before dark just to feel safer so that was probably like 6:30pm. I locked my bike securely infront of the door. I walked in with ticket at the ready but for the second time in my life, I showed up to a bar for a show when it was still operating for the daily locals as just a bar. The lights were up. The drinks were served in real pint glasses. No one asked for my ticket. I asked the bar keep if I was in the right place on the right night. Yes, I was, I was just ridiculously early. I saddled up to the bar and focused on my shoes. I didn’t make eye contact with a single soul for fear my guard would go down and I’d be ruff-ied again. Being a single 25 year old chick in a bar on a Tuesday night is a total creep magnet. The only movements I made pre-show was to pop up off my stool every 5mins or so to look out the door to make sure Black Beauty was where I left her. It wasn’t long before the bouncer would see me twitch and just look outside for me and nod at me from across the room. An ally!
By the time NMH took the stage I was sufficiently worried and feeling like 100% pure freak. No, I don’t remember the set list. I know him so passionately singing his love for Jesus Christ wasn’t nearly as unsettling live as it was upon for listen to the recording. It was almost evangelical. The whole room was buzzing and bouncing. Next thing I know, I’m jumping up and down, arm around the shoulder of the stranger next me. Smiling from ear to ear and me and the stranger start singing along. At one point Jeff says “Hey, I lived in Denver for years, where were you people then?” I couldn’t help but think it was ME that was missing those previous years. When the show ended, I didn’t want to leave. Break up the family. We, all who were in attendance had just witnessed something heavenly. Divinely inspired. I had forgot all those worries and fears inside that room for almost 2 hours. I wonder if anyone has ANY idea what it is like for a worrier to stop worrying. It was so freaking liberating, I just stood there talking to more and more strangers about how great it all was.
That was the only time I’d get to see Neutral Milk Hotel. 11 years have come and gone since their last release. Shit spiraled into dark, dark depths for me in Denver within the next few months and the hope and joy I felt on 4/21/98 has never been recreated. I’ve never been a religious soul but I’d say that was the closest I’ve ever come to a religious experience.
I do feel lucky to have found music that actually and truly moved me both figuratively and literally. How many people can say that? Thank you Neutral Milk Hotel. Come back to me, now, please.
WATCH it doesn't capture the feeling at the 15th Street Tavern.
